Early on Sunday, Raiders free agent defensive tackle Desmond Bryant was arrested in South Florida and charged with criminal mischief. On Monday, Bryant’s mugshot surfaced. And IT. IS. MAGICAL:
A lot is still unclear about what led to the arrest (the Chronicle said Bryant caused a “commotion” at a neighbor’s house), so there are some important questions yet to be answered with that. But after viewing this masterpiece of a mugshot, we have other, more-pressing questions:
- Where is his shirt?
- Does he at least have pants on?
- How upset is Nick Nolte that he no longer has the greatest mugshot ever?
- When was the last time this man had a drink of water?
- Is his tongue going to be okay?
- Did the cops’ breathalyzer even register how supremely shithammered he was?
- Have we ruled out bath salts?
- How ashamed are you that this guy has a Harvard degree and you don’t?