Opinion, Warriors

Breaking down the Warriors 2013-14 schedule

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The NBA released its 2013-14 NBA schedule on Tuesday. It’s Christmas for basketball nerds starved for relevant NBA news in the dead of summer.

It also gives Warriors fans a chance to see what on the menu comes when. The biggest news to take away—the Warriors are back on Christmas Day with a game against the Fighting Cliff Pauls.

The Warriors also will be starting the season with 14 of the first 22 on the road. As a trade off, they’ll close the season with 13 of the final 20 at home, which I think any fan would prefer over having a home-heavy start of the year. The team also has 15 back-to-backs, which matches the fewest the team has had in over 50 years. So, good news for Andrew Bogut’s (enter body part here).

You’ll also be able to find the Warriors on national TV a scheduled total of 26 times this season — 9 on ESPN, 8 on TNT, 9 on NBA TV. Still no ABC games, though. THE HELL, ABC? I want to look up how many games the Lakers have on ABC this year, but I’ll probably just end up hating myself.

You can check out the entire schedule here. But below we’ve broken down some of the more notable games on the calendar:

Warriors vs. Lakers, Oct. 30

The Warriors open the year against a potential Kobe-less bunch of scrubs. The probability that this turns into slapstick comedy by the third quarter is high. It’ll be nice to start the year on a high note making the Warriors perhaps more confident than they should be heading into…

Warriors at Clippers, Oct. 31

Tough second game on the season-opening back-to-back. The first game of four against the team the Warriors will be jockeying for position with atop the division and one of arguably the top three teams in the West this year. The Warriors dominated this series last year. It would be awesome if a lot more of this happens. Also, note the date and location. Halloween and Staples Center. Expect people in Cliff Paul costumes. Yes, still. These people should be criminally prosecuted.

Warriors at Spurs, Nov. 8

First game against the West champs after the Warriors game them a tough battle in the second round of the playoffs. At least the Warriors finally have that monkey off their backs. Is this the year the Spurs are finally taking a step backward? They’re a year older, Ginobili was nonexistent in the finals, and they didn’t really do anything spectacular in free agency. It might be fair to assume the Spurs finally fall out of the upper echelon. Am I willing to wager money on it? Hell to the no.

Warriors vs. Thunder, Nov. 14

First look at the favorites in the West. The roster leaves a lot to be desired after Westbrook and Durant. But, man, those two are special to watch.

Warriors vs. Jazz, Nov. 16

Return of Biedrins. You jerks better cheer.

Warriors vs. Blazers, Nov. 23

Last year, when Damian Lillard played his hometown Oakland, he went on a shooting explosion like the 3-pointer was about to be outlawed by a lame duck Evil David Stern and Oakland was going to fall into a sinkhole the next day. So, yeah, any time Lillard plays in Oakland for the next 10 or so years, it’s going to be must-see TV.

Warriors at Pelicans, Nov. 26

They’re called the Pelicans now. Their jerseys are plain and a huge disappointment. Kind of like how Austin “SUB ZERO” Rivers’ career is probably going to go.

Warriors at Rockets, Dec. 6

First game between these two new contenders in the West. Last time these two teams met it in Houston, it was borderline Jerry Springer. Andrew Bogut basically called them cunts after that game, too. It was the foundation for what’s hopefully going to a budding, heated rivalry between two of the top young and exciting teams in the league. Oh, and I’m also told the Rockets made a big pick-up in the offseason.

Warriors vs. Mavericks, Dec. 11

Monta Ellis once again returns to Orac— yeah, don’t care any more.

Warriors at Nuggets, Dec. 23

After last season’s disappointing first-round exit from the playoffs at the hands of the Warriors, I could totally see George Karl drawing up a hell of a game plan and Andre Iguodala going 15-12-10 to lead to Nuggets in a revenge victory the first time these two teams meet since the postseason. Oh, wait—Karl is gone and Iguodala plays for I think the Globetrotters now. Regardless, the Nuggets still have depth on their side and these two teams still provide an entertaining match-up that should make this a Festivus the rest of us can enjoy. Oh, and if you’re not following the shitshow that is JaVale McGee’s Instagram feed, you’re doing Instagram wrong.

Warriors vs. Clippers, Dec. 25

Celebrate your new Red Ryder BB Gun by cozying up next to the fire as a hopefully still healthy Stephen Curry and a hopefully still healthy Andrew Bogut lead the Warriors in this Christmas Day match-up against CP3 and that guy who flops a lot. These are expected to be two of the top squads in the Western conference, yet it gets slotted as the last game of the day, when everybody in the East Coast is passed out from too much rum and eggnog. Remember this when you see Jack Nicholson leave early as the Lakers are getting spanked by the Heat in the showcase afternoon slot.

Warriors at Heat, Jan. 2

LeBron (and Greg Oden! Unless the packing peanuts they’ve replaced his knee cartilage with break down before then).

Warriors at Nets, Jan. 8

This game is just going to be a really weird experience. Paul Pierce in a non-Celtics jersey. Jason Kidd in a suit coaching on the sidelines. So weird.

Warriors vs. Bobcats, Feb. 4

It’s the last time the Warriors will ever be playing a team called the Bobcats. REST IN PEACE. But, hey, that means the Zombie Charlotte Hornets! Zombie Muggsy! Zombie Zo! Zombie Grandmama! In lieu of flowers for Rufus the Bobcats mascot (yes, I had to look that up), watch this Curb Your Enthusiasm clip that just randomly popped in my head:

Warriors vs. Chicago, Feb. 6

BREAKING NEWS: Derrick Rose will be playing basketball this year. I repeat: Derrick Rose back playing for the Bulls. Derrick Rose. Basketball things. In NBA games. Everybody dance! Or don’t. It’s a pretty big deal for basketball fans when one of the league’s best young stars returns from a devastating injury like the one he suffered two seasons ago. This game gives Warriors fans their first chance to see Rose looking sad against their team in almost two years.

Warriors vs. Heat, Feb. 12

LeBron.

Warriors vs. Cavaliers, March 14

I want two things to happen in this game:

1. Warriors fans in attendance to cheer for Jarrett Jack when he checks in for the first time.
2. Warriors fans in attendance to simultaneously bust into uncontrollable laughter when Jarrett Jack repeatedly tries and fails to win the game on his own in the final two minutes.

[photo via @warriors]

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